Some things are synonyms with certain months of the year.
Dry July is the month of mocktails, November is the era of upper lip growth, and every October is pumpkin spice season.
One recent study points towards September as the month with the most birthdays, data that hardly surprised experts given September births are the result of conceptions that took place during the most festive, celebratory time of year.
But while some couples are getting down and dirty in between the Christmas pudding and New Year’s Eve fireworks, others find the festive period can have a far more abrasive impact on their relationship.
Cassandra Kalpaxis, family and divorce lawyer at Kalpaxis Legal, explains the well-documented rise in divorce rates that befalls the new year, and how to best navigate the festive season to support your relationship.
January has long been dubbed ‘divorce month’ by professionals in the field, reflecting the sheer increase in divorce applications and proceedings.
And while there’s commonly a culmination of heavily-brewed factors that contribute to a couple’s decision to end their marriage, the pressures culminating around the festive season seemingly play a big role.
“The pressure of the Christmas period where people are being exposed to their families and in-laws, often is the catalyst for people making the decision to end their marriages,” explains Kalpaxis, saying the couples who usually make the decision to part ways in the new year action the legal requirements in April and May.
So why does the festive season leave so many couples itching to exit their nuptials?
The esteemed divorce expert says there’s usually more at play than irritating in-laws.
“Financial pressure is a huge stressor for most families navigating this time of year,” says Kalpaxis. “Given the cost of living that we are facing, I predict that more people are going experience conflict and distress more than ever before.”
According to the lawyer, ongoing financial pressure to make ends meet each month for many Australians is only exacerbated by festive obligations, such as buying gifts and entertaining friends and family.
“There is also a problem when one party doesn’t really understand the finances of the house or their expectations are different than the other person’s, and people overextend themselves financially trying to please their partner,” points out the lawyer. “This pattern ends up creating more stress and pressure and then often people feel abandoned, isolated and alone which causes other problems to creep into their marriage.”
Does the ‘new year, new me’ mentality come into play?
We’re all familiar with setting good intentions for each new year, such as cutting out junk food, renewing your gym membership, or downloading a stack of new audiobooks.
However, according to Kalpaxis, many couples use the new year’s blank slate to evaluate the value of their relationship.
“Many people use January as a period of reflection as they are on holiday from work and have the time to consider what is going on in life and what they might like to change,” she says, noting many couples tend to hold off on addressing big issues throughout the festive period, keeping things together for the sake of their families of plans.
“This period also throws most people together in close proximity. This means that many people are guided toward this ‘new year, new me’ mentality because they are spending more time with their spouse than any other period throughout the year which makes it much more attractive to clear out the conflict for the new year.”
So how do we keep the festive season tension-free?
The longtime divorce lawyer says if couples want to set themselves up for a tension-free festive season, it’s imperative they are realistic – and transparent – about their financial position.
“You need to be aligned in your approach to finances over the holidays,” Kalpaxis says. “Set a budget for activities with the kids and stick to it. Planning will alleviate any last-minute spending which can blow out the budget significantly.”
Aside from having a realistic and transparent approach to things ahead of time, the divorce lawyer urges couples, and newly separated exes to exercise flexibility, especially when their extended families and children are involved.
“Without flexibility, most people fall into chaos and conflict quickly and this is where a separation can turn acrimonious,” she says. “I ask clients to reflect on when they were together, how often were they late for Christmas lunch? How often did they experience traffic? What was it like trying to get the kids to put down their toys and leave? There needs to be a level of commonsense and reality testing around expectations at this time of year.”
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November 01, 2023 at 12:07AM
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