We live so much of our lives online that it’s not unusual for our first connection with someone to be virtual. Most of us have probably never met our bank manager, many are working in virtual teams across different locations, and more than a few have met at least one romantic partner through a dating app or incessant flirting on Twitter or Instagram. Because so many relationships start off that way, there’s a certain level of trust involved. These interactions tell only half a story; we miss so many cues that would be obvious if we met someone IRL. So we go along with it and tell ourselves it’s OK and perhaps drop our guard a little.
Think of conversations we have on social media: we’d be unlikely to trundle over to a stranger in a bar and speak so frankly (and sometimes rudely), but online there’s often an understanding that it’s how the internet works. We find ourselves being more open and confessional – and, on the more miserable flip side, hostile and abusive – in a virtual setting. Unfortunately, this can lead to opportunists exploiting us.
Catfishing, or luring someone into a relationship by pretending to be another person online, is not just about hurting someone’s feelings. Expert scammers are targeting people for financial gain. It might seem the kind of thing you only see on TV or could happen only to the gullible, but it’s on the up, especially thanks to dating moving online during the Covid lockdowns. According to a study by WhatIsMyIPAddress.com, 2020 saw a 20 per cent year-on-year increase in bank transfer fraud linked to romance scams, with £68 million lost to digital dating scams. If you think you’re way too ordinary or sensible to be reeled in, think again – according to security expert Chris Parker, you might be the kind of person they’re looking for. “Scammers look for a combination of financial stability and emotional vulnerability,” says Parker, who also hosts the Easy Prey podcast, which warns against internet scams. “Their targets have often struggled socially or been through a divorce or a bereavement.” After the lockdowns, aren’t we all feeling a little fragile? You need to armour up your dating profile. “Don’t mention financial status or any large purchases you’ve made recently, even if you’re doing well,” says Parker. “Don’t come across as desperate, even if you sometimes feel that way. Aim to give the impression that you’re strong and unlikely to be fooled.”
What makes dating scammers hard to spot is that they appear to be just what you’re looking for. They often deeply research their targets to make a persona that closely matches the victim’s likes and dislikes – they might claim to love all the same books or movies or music, or use the same pop culture references. While sharing interests isn’t always a red flag, if someone sounds too good to be true, yes, you might be in a romcom or… it might not be real.
What about looks? Be honest with yourself here: are you… punching? Maybe a little? Pretty much every dating scammer is stunningly hot. “This taps into a person’s sense of self-worth, flattering potential victims,” says Parker. Look for highly filtered or photoshopped images or shots that look a little too professionally posed. Do a reverse image search on Google – often scammers lift these pics off other websites. It’s likely the person in the photo has no idea their likeness is being used. While you’re on Google, do a quick search for the person you’re talking to. Almost all of us have an online presence, from social media accounts to corporate profiles or even that time we ran a 10K. If this person has zero digital footprint, they could well be an online refusenik, yes, but maybe it’s because they don’t exist.
The biggest tell of all, of course, is a request for cash. Scammers tend not to waste time, so they may come on strongly quite quickly. “If they think you’re likely to fall for it, they’ll declare their love for you after a short period of time,” says Parker. You might think you’d never fall for this but… you’d be surprised by the power of flattery. If you’ve been feeling low, someone telling you they love you can be a confidence boost and you might even find yourself becoming swept away by it all, thinking you reciprocate. They’re trying to disarm you, wrong-foot you, because their mission is almost accomplished.
At first, a request for money might be a small amount, for something inconsequential, something to tide them over while they await a payment maybe, which isn’t too fantastical in the gig economy. Then it escalates to larger amounts. “These are often couched in tragic circumstances,” says Parker. “A family member is ill and they need money to visit, for instance, or they were burgled and can’t afford to buy food that week.” The aim is to tug at your heartstrings and make you feel like you’re aiming toward a common goal. If you love someone, you want to make them happy, right?
You may be shouting at the screen now, saying, “Just ask to meet them!” This can be another way to get money out of you. Scammers will have a ton of excuses why they can’t meet: illness, vital family commitments or no money to travel. “Some will even claim they’re being controlled by abusive partners and need money to get away from them,” says Parker. What kind of monster would refuse, eh? Obviously, someone not being able to meet may not always be a sign they have nefarious intentions, but you should be on your guard, especially if the person you’re talking to lives far away. According to Parker, it’s about consistency and believability. “Look for contradictory claims in your prospective match’s messages,” he says. “A real person’s story will always add up overall.”
Video calls are probably the best way to verify someone is who they say they are, and deep-fake technology isn’t quite good enough to dupe anyone just yet – but still be alert, especially if they’re inviting you online for sex. A common scam is to play an existing video of, say, someone very hot and naked on camera down the line, while the victim strips off on their own webcam, thinking they’re watching someone live. The scammer records this call and tries to extort money from the victim – many celebrity sexcam videos are the results of these scams.
If you realise you’re being catfished, you’ll feel hurt, stupid and betrayed, but don’t feel too bad – these scams are very sophisticated and better men than us have fallen for them. How you deal with it is up to you. Reporting the scammer straightaway will likely get the profile shut down quickly and you should definitely report any fraudulent financial activity to your bank and to the police. Don’t be embarrassed; just protect yourself as soon you can. If you’ve clicked to their game before handing anything over, it might be tempting to play along a little. It might help any investigation, yes, but be careful: don’t give away any of your own personal details. “Doing things like asking for photos with current newspapers can reveal some clues about where they’re really based,” says Parker. “The more data you collect before you end the conversation, the more you’ll have to submit to the service you’re using.”
If you’d rather just block, report and move on, however, nobody will blame you. The main thing to remember is there are good people out there and someone genuine won’t mind if you want to check they really are who they say they are. Mind you, on the internet, are we ever really ourselves? Sometimes when you’re finding love online, it’s a chance you have to take.
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"avoid it" - Google News
October 21, 2021 at 10:14PM
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What is catfishing and how can you avoid it online? - British GQ
"avoid it" - Google News
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